★ Near-Daily Diaries: №.06• Tell Us About Your Day
NIN had it right. Everyday is exactly the same to me sometimes... Today, my day was...
I wrote a note to someone about some very hard to say things. I'll call that a win.
Full of jusmpstarts, followed by a night of worrying over my dog. Trying to keep her from coughing, trying to keep her from barking / fighting with our other dog. It was no easy task, I watched her struggle to play and be easily winded. But I guess for the most part:
“I mostly had a good day”. I’m tired. Can't rest and the ex just sat down to play his game on the couch (where I sleep right now and I'm more than ready for a nap, bish).
My worries are constant and draining. I wonder:
“Is this gonna work out?” Like, “I don't have the capacity to think about what ifs anymore some times like I used to. Even though the task of avoiding bad things that might happen is an impossible one, I at least had the ingenuity, I would tell myself to, allow it to work itself out in the background. Which, I suppose is my code for, “hey just enable me to catastrophize, because every time you mentioned that's what I'm doing, it pisses me off. And it makes me want to validate myself more.”
“I just feel manic and I was hoping I could use the energy.
“I'm scared to Lyft and my insurance is about to be due. That guy never called thank God bc he would've probably got me in trouble.
“Anyway. They're gonna shut my phone off again soon. I'm really stuck. I can't even access my own shit. Or be not traumatized by it.
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