A schizophrenic man just walked past my apartment twice, clutching his head and screaming, “Oh my God! Oh my God!"
In fucking TERROR.
He walks near constantly. I don't know his name. When it’s hot he wears green sweat shorts and a green, bleach stained sweater. When it's cold he wears the same, only the sweatpants are added over top of the sweat shorts.
He lives two buildings down. Has a side deck like me. His deck is better than mine, so I’m glad for that. Sitting in nature can help sometimes.
So that brings me to my next question:
What the fuck are we doing, y'all?
Why is there some young ass dude screaming in terror with his hands covering his ears at 1:30 in the morning. In my territory, and I am the founder of Unconventional-Advocacy.org . Who supposedly advocates for this poor, clearly, horrified and very schizophrenic man spiraling into a dangerous kaleidoscope of psychotic mania?
Schizophrenic people are generally not even violent. But who wouldn't go crazy when you're hallucinating (God only knows what) and you’re completely alone in the world.
As an update, I realized what happened… He relocated and forgot how to get home or which apartment he lives in now.
Everything is going to hell, and it really is all my fault. I should have prepared better. Kept up better with things when I did have the time, the money and the mind power to do so.
When I had the capacity for the making of a plan under moderate stress and completing it too. Boy, those were the days!
Those days feel dead now.
#Sh!t I Learned, That Changed Me From An “Assertive” INFJ Into A “Turbulent" One ….Kinda
It's 4:22am and I'm considering looking for drugs on Facebook Messenger. Not really, but kind of. I would take a Fukital off a dirty floor right about now.
Something that will make me sleepy and not care about the special type of rejection I feel right now.
So I can ignore the fact that my life has changed 100 fold since I started to lose my mental essence and sense of self.
There's no other way to explain it.
Eureka!
That is it! That’s what’s missing!
(And yes, my inner voice really does sound like an episode of Barney! And Friends, (circa —hell no I'm not going to look it up because it freaks me out. I'm not trying to go down the ol' Channel Zero path to intrusive thoughts this week.)
My inner monologue seems to include this peppy yet annoying luxury at the slightest nuance of hope in just about any topic).
Anyway, back to it. I began to feel like I've had an “aha moment”: My essence, my willingness, my tenacity to learn and grow has completely disappeared.
I worry about psychogenic death a lot. I think, “damn, it's been what, 2, 3 days since I've even been hungry enough to put the effort into cooking and clean up.
I've nearly stopped bathing full stop. Stopped eating food and drinking fluids. I never feel hungry. I barely use the restroom. Nothing to get rid of.
I Am Ready To Make A Change
Mostly, these days I spend my time trying to change things and writing about my experiences to release some of that complex trauma that always seems to humming an ugly ass tune in the background.
BandLab
One of the best mental heath “distractions” a person in need of escaping intrusive thoughts could ask for if your into music even just a little bit.
Learning About Ad Copy/
Not as fun, but time consuming.
Thinking About The “So-Called Post-Truth Era”;
A phenomenon I was reading about just a few hours ago. I don’t even truly concede with the general term because it implies we weren’t being lied to constantly by our government at any point in history. Sorry, Gov.
Thanks for listening💋💀🪓
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